Remember those commercials where people were in a shop and everything was running so smoothly because people were using their debit card and then, OH THE HORROR, someone wrote a check and it made the earth move a little bit off its axis?
Now, when you use your debit card for transactions it's slower than if you write a check. Here's the transaction:
Machine: Debit: Y/N?
Response:Y
Enter Pin:
Pin entered
Machine: Would you like to donate to the starving kids in some country you've never heard of? Y/N
Response: N
Machine: Are you sure? They are children and they are starving. I see that you've bought a case of cokes and some Cheetos. Do you realize how many kids could eat a wholesome meal with the money you just spent on junk food? From the looks of you I don't think you need this junk. Are you still sure you don't want to feed the children? Y/N
Response: Y
Machine: Greedy, selfish bitch. Is the amount $15.74 correct? Y/N?
Response: Y
Machine: As if you could add that all up by yourself anyway. Do you want it all on the card or do you want to pay cash for part of it, or split it between 2 cards because you've run up your credit limit on all your cards buying stuff you don't need while children starve? Y/N?
Response: Y
Machine: Well, I guess that will do for now. Those poor starving children.
People in line behind you are tapping their feet and looking at their watches.
Clerk: Here is your receipt. At the bottom you will find a survey you can complete to tell us how we are doing. Clerk takes pen and circles the survey.
You throw receipt in trash and open the Cheetos as soon as you get in the car. Bag is gone before you get home. Steering wheel is bright orange. Damn. Now you need more Cheetos.
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