It's October...

“I always notice boobs.”  This is what I heard my mom say when I entered the room where she and Sarah were talking and looking at pictures on the computer.  

Weird.

Mom apparently looks at everyone’s boobs.  I confess...I am like my mother.

I don’t try to look at boobs.  They’re just always there.  Maybe it’s because I’m short.  Pretty much boob level for average height women.

Really, how do you not notice boobs?  Working as a grocery cashier, they’re everywhere.  Scanning groceries for a female customer, one glance up…BOOM..there they are!  They hang over the counter.  Women are pulling their wallets, phones and keys from their bras.  With the clothes so many wear now the ta-tas are on display for all to see.  We make fun of plumbers who let their ‘cleavage’ show, but women can let it all hang out all the time.  Ladies, let’s be honest…there are some puppies out there that really need to be, at least partially, covered!  Oh, my goodness, the cups that overflow!

Speaking of…bras.  Yuck!  The first thing I do when I’m home for the evening is yank off the bra, letting the girls go free.  What a wonderful time of day!  There are almost as many bra types as there are names for our boobies.  Demi bras, push-ups, t-shirt bras, sports bras, barely there bras, and the “this is the shape I wish my boobs were and you will never be able to touch them” bras. 

When I was a teenager I worked around warehousemen who were 17-25 years old.  I thought I’d heard every word for boobs there was.  Then I got married and my husband taught me many, many more.  Well…I had no idea until I did a quick search for this article how many synonyms there are for boobs.  Some are not print worthy.

Assets, Balloons,  Bahamma Mammas,  Bazookas, Bazooms, Beamers, Blinkers, Boulders, Bust

Ahh…glorious, magical boobs.  They can make guys (and many chicks) do whatever the bearer of them wishes.  Bosoms bring great power to those who possess them.  How many of you can honestly say that you have never used them to get something you want?

Cans, Cannons, Cones, Doorknobs, Floppers, Gazonkas, Gadoinkas, Hooters, Honkers, Jugs, Knockers

Women are the classier of the species.  I’m sure we can all agree on that.  We tend to refer to our boobs as something nice like “the girls.”  We may have chi-chis, twins or ta-tas.  If we’re lucky, we have bodacious ta-tas. 

Men like boobs.  Two of their other favorite things are food and cars.  Therefore we have boobs that are called melons, lady apples, cupcakes, marshmallows, mounds, and whoppers. There are also Cadillac bumpers, headlights, high beams, beamers, blinkers, and winnebagoes.

My chi-chis have gone through many stages in my life.  First, I had the perky ‘look at me. I defy gravity’ bust line.  Then they were great, as long as I held my hands high above my head.  Alas, now I need the heavy lifter bras to put them back where they were originally.  I guess later I’ll be able to just roll them up and place them in a bra that is the shape I desire.

Mountains, Perkies, Pillows, Pair, Rack, Rolling Hills, Torpedoes, Towel Rack

Boobs are as diverse as the women who have them.  There are small ones that forced us to form “itty bitty tittie committees.”  Then there are the jumbo sized breasts.  They would charge triple for these at KFC!  I’d much rather be a member of the IBTC than to have people exclaim, “My. What big knockers you have!”  Maybe that’s just how I want to feel about my little darlins’.

My point, point point is…it’s October.  We all know that breast cancer awareness is crucial.  So, perk up your pumpkins!  Get your mammogram and keep those girls healthy!

Job Search 2013

I’m 52 years old.  Yes, I just said that out loud.  Sort of.  What’s the big deal you ask?  I’m also looking for a job.  Ugh. I have not had a full time job since the early nineties.  Very early nineties.  That really does not make for a killer resume.  I raised my children, took care of my husband when he was ill, and worked as a volunteer.  Things have changed since the last time I looked for work in 1989!

All applications are online now.  No face to face time.  Online is great.  I can complete applications while in my pajamas and eating ice cream.  These applications are ridiculous!  Questions like “Please describe your work in this job.”  Great!  I worked there 10 years.  No problem.  “In 120 characters or less.”  Oh.  How about “I showed up and did what they wanted.”

The applications ask for my dates of employment for each job and they even supply the necessary blanks.  “__/__/____.”  So I enter April 1989 and get the error message that I did not provide a valid date.  I must enter the date of the exact day.  I barely remember that I worked there!  Now I have to remember the exact day!?  Is it odd that on my application I started every job on the 15^th and always left on the 30^th?  Obviously this is not the best route for me to take.  

Next, I try my luck at my very first job fair.  They are now called “hiring events.”  I get up early, fix my hair, and do my make-up (even the lipstick) and head out to the event.  By the time I actually enter the building, I’m sweating from standing outside in the heat for an hour waiting with the hundred other people who decided to get there early to beat the crowd.

I’ve worked in Human Resources before.  There are lots of those types at job fairs.  I decided to practice by talking to some folks from a hotel chain.  I chat with the young man.  He looks at my resume and sees the Personnel position I had.  He said, “Personnel?”  Me, being pleased that he is interested, “yes.”  “Oh, yeah!  That’s what they used to call Human Resources a long time ago.”  Yes.  Back in the olden days it was Personnel.  My skills include typing (on both manual and electric), using the adding machine, running the mimeograph machine, getting high off that ink, and taking shorthand while sitting on the boss’ lap.  First job fair…not so successful. 

The next job fair must be better, right?  I start by preparing the night before.  Updated resumes are printed, pens in easily accessed purse pocket, and clothes are laid out.  Then, of course, it was time to color my hair.  I chose a new color with, I thought, a little bit of red in it.  Sarah helped me put it on.  A little while later, after letting my hair air dry, Sarah says, “Wow your hair really looks red.”  Yea!  I love a little red in my brown hair!  Off to the mirror to see my beautiful new hair color.  Noooooooo!  It was not a little red.  It was bright, bright magenta.  It was also too late to fix it.  As my friends suggested, I decided to rock that job fair with my new color!

Today, I signed up with an employment agency.  She tells me that I need to do a video resume.  Would I like to go ahead and do that today?  Um, no.  I’m thinking quickly to myself, “I need to color my hair (a reasonable color), buy a new outfit and a new pair of shoes.”  The shoes are not necessary for the resume, but if I have a new outfit, I must have some killer shoes, right?  I’m doing my video resume next week.  We’ll see if the new shoes helped.

I will continue my quest for that perfect job.  Who am I kidding?  I’m looking for anyone who will hire me!!  More job searching adventures to follow.

Hello, friends!

Hello out there!  I'm Beth and...I've always wanted to be a blogger.
That's a lie.  I didn't even know what a blog was until I was in my forties.  That wasn't so long ago.

So what do I have to offer as a blogger, other than my wit, wisdom and charm?  Maybe I'll get someone to smile today.  Maybe someone will identify with what I say.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll touch a life ever so briefly.  Who knows?

My motives for writing are not completely altruistic.  I enjoy writing and it is always fun to tell a story.  Sometimes I can see a situation differently when I write about it.  Often, I will see myself differently when I write.

I write the way I talk, so it is not always proper.  I can find humor in just about any situation. I love parentheses, sarcasm and long walks on the beach at sunset.

Hopefully you will enjoy reading what Sharon, Patty and I have to offer.  Sit back, relax and read away.  Oh, and enlarge the print on your computer to avoid eye strain.  Yes, I've reached that part of my life!