A few random point point point(s) I want to make!

I woke up this morning with bite marks on my ankles, no you sickos Paul didn't make them and they weren't bug bites, they were actual bite marks. Princess Willa has a KING size bed and if you happen to move your foot in front of her teeth she will bite you. It's not pleasant.

That look says it all.

I have a necklace that is my late mother-in-law's fingerprint that I wear daily, even if I'm not leaving the house. I used to leave it on the dresser at night but the aforementioned cat would steal it. I do love the word aforementioned - I don't use it enough and I also love the word capricious. I rarely use it - instead I use the more common synonym - shit head. Speaking of words I love - one of my favorites is "point." Yes, point. If you are on a computer keyboard (not your phone or tablet) type the word point and see if it's not the most fun you will have while typing! Anyway, now I leave it in Paul's cuff link box because so far she hasn't figured out how to open that to steal jewelry. Yes, she's a cat and she steals, she's a cat burglar.  This morning the box was gone and I went in to full on panic mode. Of course, I knew that it was here, but there was a tiny amount of fear until I found it. You can see the necklace in the ridiculous pictures below. 

That faraway look that says, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

This is the necklace.

I have no idea how to take selfies. I mean I understand how to work the camera but I don't know where to look. Thus we play the count the chins and what is she looking at game.  Do y'all remember when I was stick figure skinny and I could eat anything I wanted and never gain weight? I miss those days so much.

I went to the doctor today and girls, I know you know what I'm talking about! I get up and I've got 45 minutes until my appointment and I need to pee. What to do? You never know if they will need a urine sample. Should I go ahead and pee, drink a lot of water on the way and hope I can go if they need it, or do I wait? If I wait what if I'm in an accident? Or worse, what if I cough or sneeze? Such a dilemma. 

When Katy was around 4 the doctor needed a urine sample. I took her to the bathroom and told her she needed to pee in the cup. Oh my. She started crying and saying (loudly), "cups aren't for peeing, they're for drinking!" She had a point point point - (that never gets old!) Needless to say, no urine sample was obtained and when I went to tell the nurse that we failed she said, "I know, I heard!"

I almost had a wreck today because a lady waved at me when I let her merge in front of me, the gesture was so shocking I almost ran off the road. Later, I was next to someone that honked the second the light turned green because the people in front of him didn't immediately hit the gas and go. As God as my witness do that to me and you've got a good 5-10 seconds before I think about moving my foot from the brake to the accelerator and those seconds are going to feel like a lifetime when you're an asshole. If you can't wait even a second before you lay on that horn then you need to leave earlier or stay home. You should probably have your blood pressure checked before you stroke out while driving. You're a menace. You're a capricious, aforementioned, jackass. I believe I've made my point point point.

Road Work Ahead

There are times when I think I'm crazy, and times when I'm reasonably sure it's the rest of the world. And I really think someone was completely crazy when they made the clever decision to tear up so many of the major roadways in the DFW area all at the same time. It’s about time I publicly complained about it.

If you've spent any time at all on Airport Freeway/183 in the mid-cities then you know what I’m talking about. The destruction there is massive. Congested traffic is a chronic condition. The landmarks are gone. Gigantic overheads appear out of nowhere and loom over the commute. The sense of disorientation can be completely overwhelming – where am I, and how far away is my exit? 

I don’t drive 183 every day, but usually 2 or 3 times a week, and the routing is slightly different each time. It's like an obstacle course. Or a funhouse minus the creepy clowns (and the fun). There's no telling where the exits will be and what kind of curves (literally) will be thrown in. You have no way of predicting how long the trip will take – sometimes the traffic runs smoothly, and other times it creeps along, with plenty of time to gaze longingly at the nearly-finished additional lanes just on the other side of those concrete barriers.  

And I can’t help but wonder how many of those concrete barriers there are. Both here, and as a ratio compared to all of them in the world. Same with the orange barrels. I’ve thought about counting these things, but right when I get a great idea to help pass the time, the traffic loosens up and I have to drive again.



There must be a zillion of these? Two zillion, maybe.


Someone is trying to give us advance warning of closed exits and detours by using those flashing light-up signs. Bless their hearts. The trouble with those is they change too slowly if you’re driving fast (so that you get only part of the message) or sometimes too fast to read it all. They’re full of odd abbreviations and weird punctuation, so I’m completely distracted. Last week I saw “clearance” with a hyphen to split it after “cle” – I don’t believe I’ve seen that one anywhere else!

Of course, businesses all along the highway’s access roads have been affected. For a while I was noticing a number of optimistic banners proclaiming “We’re Open!!” “We Aren’t Going Anywhere!” and the extremely hopeful “Now Leasing.” Now I’ve noticed some of those have given up. Others have improved their situation and either moved or built new facilities. I work in an office building that used to have a parking area between it and the frontage road. Not any more – the whole front section is gone. For a while we had a big dirt mountain out front, and we all gave up washing our cars because it was pointless. This week I got to my office to find an entirely new driveway into the parking lot.

Another side effect of such extensive road work is the plethora of single-lane access roads running alongside the highway. Sure, they’re fun with their twists and turns (and more concrete barriers) but you just can’t enjoy that when you’re behind giant crawling construction equipment ALL THE TIME. These machines make roads – can’t they have their own lanes in all this mess?

If we trust, why stay so far back?

There is hope where there are gigantic road projects: last week I was in Grapevine, headed to the historic downtown for the farmers market. There's been a ton of construction up there, too, on 121, and it's an amazing (and much-needed) transformation. I still don't know how to get everywhere, but I love the new Main St. exit which took me directly where I wanted to be, without the traffic that used to be at the William D Tate exit.

Perhaps one day I’ll feel that way about 183 too! But for now I need to remember that my usual exit will close next week, for two months (ugh), and I will need to take an extra measure of patience with me when I drive to work. I read that on a flashing sign. Took me two different days to piece that message together…

Hey, I can see you!

What is it about driving a car that makes people do things they would never do in person? I mean, you wouldn’t really pick your nose right in front of me would you? That’s disgusting but how often have you seen people do that? I always wonder what they’re going to do with the booger once they’ve snagged it. Hello, I can see you!

How about throwing trash out the window or cutting someone off in traffic, honking incessantly, flipping the bird, name calling, riding the bumper of the person in front of you?

Let’s put this in a different context. You are grocery shopping. Suddenly you see someone heading for the same register as you do you run to the register and cut right in front of the person so you can be first? If you don’t make it do you then push

your cart right up to where you are almost touching them? When the person in front of them moves do you scream, “MOVE!” immediately? If there are several people in front (you must be at Wal-Mart) do you just continually start yelling at people to move when you can obviously see that they have nowhere to go? And if you are at Wal-Mart the people in front of you are probably training the new Wal-Mart associate. If you answered yes to any of these questions you really are a piece of work.

How about having dinner at a friend’s house? If you answered yes to any of the above questions you probably don’t have any friends but let’s continue. During dinner do you pick your nose? When dinner is over (which should be soon if you’re digging for gold) do you flip the person off and say hey Mother…see ya later? When you are finished eating do you just drop your plate on the floor?

Again, I hope the answer is no to these scenarios as well. I think the rule of thumb should be if it is an action you would be embarrassed to do in person – don’t do it in your car. Just a little side note here, if you have been traveling down the highway for some time with your significant other don’t reach over and pull one of their ear hairs out of their ear even if it’s been bothering you for 30 miles. It startles them.

AND

DO.NOT.HONK.AT.ME! There are only a few times when this is appropriate.

1. If I am about to run into you then please lay down on that sucker.
2. If I have entered what appears to be a fugue-like state a slight tap on the horn should pull me out of it.

If you make the bad decision to honk at me when the light immediately turns green know that this awakens a primal part of my brain. When you pass me I will catch up to you at the light (because that’s just the way it goes) don’t look at me because I promise you will spontaneously combust. Then people will honk at you, flip you off, call you names, and throw trash on you.