My Resume

Last month Beth had a post about her job search (http://realfriendsrealfoodreallife.blogspot.com/2013/10/job-search-2013.html) and it got me thinking about what my resume would look like.

If you are young - make sure you keep up with where you work, what you did, and when you did it. I personally don't work right now. I'm a housewife, domestic director, stay at home mom, home manager, etc...I totally suck at it. If I worked for a company they would have fired me by now and changed the locks on the doors. I last worked in about 2004 - I'm not exactly sure. It might have been 2007. Give or take a few years. This lapse in memory doesn't make a great resume. I worked at my very first job (Six Flags Over Texas) off and on for 13 years. Then I dabbled in banking (teller & new accounts), then at a software company that works with car and truck dealerships. My last job I also worked with car and truck dealerships. At that last job the great part of it was that everyone in my department was male. What's so great about that you ask? Typical conversation:

Man: Damn, you look like you slept in your clothes.
Me: Yeah, I know. My clothes were in the dryer and since I already dried them 5 times I just said to hell with it and grabbed whatever came out first. (I often run the dryer several times because I don't pull the clothes out right away.)
Man: Yeah, I've done that before.
Case closed.

When working with women - same scenario - I'm just making up names here:
Jen: Did you see what Patty is wearing today?
Jan: Oh my gosh yes. What do you think happened?
Jen: (jokingly)Oh, she probably messed around on her way to work today.
Jen: Oh really...

Jen: Have you heard about Patty?
Kat: No, but I saw what she was wearing today. What's up with that?
Jen: Well, don't tell anybody else but I heard she might be having an affair.
Kat: Seriously? Do you know who it's with?
Jen: No, haven't heard yet.

Kat: Did you hear the news about Patty?
Jill: No, but she looks terrible today - looks like she just pulled the first thing she found out of the dryer.
Kat: Well, don't tell anyone but she's having an affair and Paul kicked her out of the house. She had to sleep outside.
Jill: That is terrible. You just never know about people.

Jill to me: Oh Patty, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Paul.
Me: What?
Jill: You know, about your divorce. At least the weather was good last night.
Me: WTH?

Anyway on with the resume. I absolutely don't remember the dates of when I worked. There isn't a blank for 90's. Or 2000'ish. I have some weird times on my work history. At the first software company I worked for after I had my daughter Katy I only worked 1 week out of the month teaching classes. My dad kept Katy for me during that week. Then, when Katy went to preschool I went back to work full time. Then I had Amelia. They let me work from home which was great when she was a baby. Then she could walk. Not so easy.

Me on phone with client:
Yes, let me just
Amelia: Mom, I'm stuck.
Me: Sir, can you hold for me just a minute?
Me to Amelia: Stuck on what?
Amelia: The wall.
Me: What?
Amelia: I'm stuck on the wall.

She actually climbed the wall. I can't describe it, but she did it. I pulled her down and told her not to climb up the wall anymore.

Me: Sir, thank you for waiting. Now, what we can
Amelia: Mom, I'm stuck again.
Me: Sir I'm really sorry but I need to put you on hold again.
Me to Amelia: What now?
Me as I'm pulling her down from the dresser: Don't climb on ANYTHING. Go play with your toys or something but do not climb. I want your feet always on the floor. Got it?
Amelia: Got it.
Me: Sir, once again I'm sorry..
Amelia: Mom, I had an assident (she couldn't say accident.)
Me: Sir, can I just call you right back?
Me to Amelia: What do you mean you had an accident?
Amelia: You told me not to climb on anything. I have to climb on the step stool to get on the potty. So I didn't climb. I did exactly what you asked.
Me: Oh....

So, I decided working from home wasn't a good idea for me at the time. Then, after she started school I worked again. Sometime in the 2000's to sometime in the 2000's. See how difficult a resume would be?

If I could just skip that resume part I'm sure I would nail the interview.

Job person: Well, your resume is a little sketchy. Can you fill in the gaps with better dates "the 90's" isn't very specific.
Me: No, not really.
Job person: Well, can you tell me what you did at these jobs?
Me: For the most part what they told me to do.
Job person: OK then. What skills do you bring to the job?
Me: Well, I'm on level 169 in Candy Crush. I'm very adept at Facebook but I don't really understand Twitter, that whole hashtag thing has me scratching my head, and wow - you should see me on Pinterest! You should follow my boards.
Job person: Ok, we will call you if we need you.
Me: You don't have my phone number yet.
Job person: That's OK. I will just make up up the numbers like you did.
Me: Hmmmm. That doesn't sound promising.              

So, I would have to really dig to find out real information about my work history. At this point at least I remember the companies I worked for but give me a few years and I won't even remember that. There should be a spot on applications for older applicants to just check I have a lot of experience but I don't remember when I acquired it. The devil is in the details.

Job Search 2013

I’m 52 years old.  Yes, I just said that out loud.  Sort of.  What’s the big deal you ask?  I’m also looking for a job.  Ugh. I have not had a full time job since the early nineties.  Very early nineties.  That really does not make for a killer resume.  I raised my children, took care of my husband when he was ill, and worked as a volunteer.  Things have changed since the last time I looked for work in 1989!

All applications are online now.  No face to face time.  Online is great.  I can complete applications while in my pajamas and eating ice cream.  These applications are ridiculous!  Questions like “Please describe your work in this job.”  Great!  I worked there 10 years.  No problem.  “In 120 characters or less.”  Oh.  How about “I showed up and did what they wanted.”

The applications ask for my dates of employment for each job and they even supply the necessary blanks.  “__/__/____.”  So I enter April 1989 and get the error message that I did not provide a valid date.  I must enter the date of the exact day.  I barely remember that I worked there!  Now I have to remember the exact day!?  Is it odd that on my application I started every job on the 15^th and always left on the 30^th?  Obviously this is not the best route for me to take.  

Next, I try my luck at my very first job fair.  They are now called “hiring events.”  I get up early, fix my hair, and do my make-up (even the lipstick) and head out to the event.  By the time I actually enter the building, I’m sweating from standing outside in the heat for an hour waiting with the hundred other people who decided to get there early to beat the crowd.

I’ve worked in Human Resources before.  There are lots of those types at job fairs.  I decided to practice by talking to some folks from a hotel chain.  I chat with the young man.  He looks at my resume and sees the Personnel position I had.  He said, “Personnel?”  Me, being pleased that he is interested, “yes.”  “Oh, yeah!  That’s what they used to call Human Resources a long time ago.”  Yes.  Back in the olden days it was Personnel.  My skills include typing (on both manual and electric), using the adding machine, running the mimeograph machine, getting high off that ink, and taking shorthand while sitting on the boss’ lap.  First job fair…not so successful. 

The next job fair must be better, right?  I start by preparing the night before.  Updated resumes are printed, pens in easily accessed purse pocket, and clothes are laid out.  Then, of course, it was time to color my hair.  I chose a new color with, I thought, a little bit of red in it.  Sarah helped me put it on.  A little while later, after letting my hair air dry, Sarah says, “Wow your hair really looks red.”  Yea!  I love a little red in my brown hair!  Off to the mirror to see my beautiful new hair color.  Noooooooo!  It was not a little red.  It was bright, bright magenta.  It was also too late to fix it.  As my friends suggested, I decided to rock that job fair with my new color!

Today, I signed up with an employment agency.  She tells me that I need to do a video resume.  Would I like to go ahead and do that today?  Um, no.  I’m thinking quickly to myself, “I need to color my hair (a reasonable color), buy a new outfit and a new pair of shoes.”  The shoes are not necessary for the resume, but if I have a new outfit, I must have some killer shoes, right?  I’m doing my video resume next week.  We’ll see if the new shoes helped.

I will continue my quest for that perfect job.  Who am I kidding?  I’m looking for anyone who will hire me!!  More job searching adventures to follow.