Mischief, Swarm, Pits, and Rhumba OH MY!

The following is an absolutely true story (depending on who you talk to.)

Several months ago Princess Willa and I heard a disturbance in the bathroom (not farts this time.) We cautiously entered the bathroom and were met with squeaking and rustling sounds. Mice. We had mice.

I called Paul.

We have mice, you need to come home and get them.
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 10 minutes.
Your life is a series of meetings, they won't notice if you miss one.
Yes, they will.
Oh my gosh, they're rabid mice!
How do you know that?
Because they are talking to each other and one of them said she had a fever and she's not sure why she's drooling so much. You need to come home and get them.
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 9 minutes and you don't know how to talk to mice.
Tell them you're sick, foam at the mouth a little when you tell them, and I'm not talking to them, I'm listening to them.
I'm not going to foam at the mouth and I'm not coming home.
Oh my gosh, there are rats too!
How do you know?
I just heard the mice welcome the rats, the rats asked how the food was here and the mice told them it was good and plenty - just like the candy.  The mice also told them the cat was lazy and wouldn't bother them but the man of the house was a real stud and they needed to stay clear of him. You need to come home and get all of them. They are all here with their extended families. There are thousands of them! You really need to get home and get them.
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 8 minutes.
OH NO!
What's wrong now?
It's Uncle Lester, a snake ate him! Uncle Lester was a HUGE rat (I heard his wife nag him about his weight and his diabeetus (say that like Wilford Brimley when you read it) and a snake ate him! We have mice, rats, and snakes now will you come home and get them?
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 7 minutes.
I hear rattles, it's a rattlesnake. There are several rattlesnakes, it's a rhumba of rattlesnakes!
A rhumba of rattlesnakes?
Yes, I googled it, a crapload of rattlesnakes is called a rhumba. Other snakes (which are also down there I might add) are called den, bed, pit, or nest. So we have rhumbas and pits. You need to come home and get them.
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 6 minutes.
But we have mischief under the house.
Mischief?
Yeah, a group of mice are called family (ginormous family, like Sly and the Family Stone kinda family), horde, nest, or mischief. I like mischief. Rats are called pack (pack rats?) horde, swarm, or mischief. In summary we have mischief, swarm, pits and rhumba under the house. You need to come home and get them.
I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 5 minutes. Do you think you might be exaggerating a tad?
You've know me for a hundred years, I never exaggerate. I hope we're all still alive when you get home. I can't let the dogs outside because there is a rout of coyotes in the back yard. You need to come home and get them.
You seem to have a lot of time to Google all these terms, I think  you're probably safe. I can't come home now, I have a meeting in 4 minutes.
OK, I hope the  lions, tigers, and bears are gone before you get home.

Sure he's smart but...

He really is smart even though he has perfected the "stunned" look.

My husband Paul is a very intelligent man, until it comes to me. Well, he was obviously brilliant when he married me but he has a vulnerable side where I'm concerned. At least 4 times a year I do something insanely stupid where our finances are concerned. Here's a typical phone conversation:

P: "Have you seen any mail from Bank of America?"

Me: "No, we don't have an account there so if I did see something I would probably shred it."

P:"We had our mortgage with them."

Me: "Oh, we paid that off though."

P: "Yes, but after paying it off they send us the title for the house so we need it."

Me: "Oh."

P: "Can you look for it?"

Me: "Now?"

P: "Now would be good."

Me: "I'm watching Ellen right now."

P: "Don't you think finding this document might be more important than watching Ellen?"

Me: "Is that a trick question?"

P: "No, let me know if you find it."

He has a beautiful smile and look at that twinkle in his eye!

2 hours later

P: "Did you find it?"

Me: "No."

P: "Why didn't you call and tell me?"

Me: "You said to let you know if I found it, I didn't so I didn't call."

P: "Ah, OK. Did you find any bills while you were looking at all the piles of mail?"

Me: "Uh...I was looking for the other thing, there might have been bills."

P: "Do you think you should look for them?

Me: "OK. I guess this isn't a trick question either."

1 hour later

P: "Did you find any bills that need to be paid?"

Me: "Yes."

P: "Did you pay them?"

Me: "Uhm...love ya, bye!"

And sometimes he makes mountains out of minuscule molehills.

When you love someone you want them to look their best so naturally if I see something that can easily be fixed I fix it. One day when we were sitting in the car I noticed a gnarly hair sticking out of his ear. I lovingly and gently plucked it from his ear and he cried like a little girl. Well, when I think about it we might have already been driving on the highway at about 75 miles per hour and extracting a hair from his ear might have been a tad surprising.

Looking dapper here - keeping his ear hairs under control helps.

Then there's the allegation that I tried to run over him with the car. Obviously this is an unsubstantiated claim, it's a matter of he said, she said and there were no corroborating witnesses. Granted, I'm not sure exactly how the car ended up in reverse but I tapped him ever so gently and he smiled at me so obviously he was fine. To hear him tell it you would think I hit him with a German Panzer, his mom ran over his dad's foot and he didn't complain. Well, he might have complained a bit. I guess they're both a little soft.

Engagement picture - so young!

A little older

I'm broken. At age 39 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Sjogrens Syndrome. I've suffered with depression for a long time but the RA intensified it. At the time of the diagnosis Paul and I had been married for 13 years. On August 27, 1988 Paul promised to love me in sickness and in health and he's fulfilled that vow even though there's been more sickness than health. He is a man of faith, 'What would Jesus Do' is not a catchphrase to him, it's how he lives his life EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Paul filling in at the pulpit for Community Christian Church

There is a "Love Your Spouse" challenge going around on Facebook where you are supposed to post a picture of you and your spouse for 7 days to show your love. There isn't a single picture (or 7) I could post that could embody the faith and love he exhibits. I'm a lucky woman, I married an amazing man. I wish I could come up with a picture to display it.