A couple of weeks ago I came down with a horrible case of pink eye. At one moment I was enjoying breakfast, and the next moment my left eye was on fire, itching, hurting, oozing green gunk, and more. As the day progressed the pink eye worsened. Late that night I ended up at an Emergency care clinic, and I would have given them my debit card and PIN to help me.
The doctor put drops in my eye that made it glow a weird green color and passed some device over my eye and diagnosed pink eye as I expected. He gave me drops and told me to follow up with my eye doctor if it didn't improve, and informed me of how contagious it was and to wash my hands frequently. He also listed all the things that I should and shouldn't do. Don't scratch your eye, don't touch the other eye after touching the left eye, change your pillow case every night...the list went on. I scratched my eye, touched the other eye, and didn't change my pillowcase. And yet...it improved, didn't move to the other eye, nor did anyone else catch it. Hmm. That's curious. Oh well.
After almost 2 weeks I decided I needed to seek that follow up they mentioned. My eye doctor was busy, so I saw his partner. He explained to me that some pink eye cases either bacterial or viral could last for weeks. Oh hell. He then looked in my eye and said, "Do you wear contacts?" Well, I've been trying to wear them again, trying mono vision but for some reason, we can't get the vision corrected in my left eye, to which he said, "You have a contact in your left eye." No, I don't. Hey, I've watched ER and House, and I've diagnosed several fake illnesses on WebMD, so I'm qualified to tell this doctor with his years of training that he's wrong. "Well, yes you do, let me put some numbing drops in your eye, and I'll show you." I needed the numbing drops because without them I would have felt the suction as my contact was released from bondage pulling half of my eye with it. Minutes later with some effort, he pulls the DAILY WEAR contact off of my eye and shows it to me. Imagine my surprise. I have absolutely no idea (well I do have a couple of ideas) how that happened, and I think it had been in there for over a month and a half. Let that sink in, daily wear contact, month and a half. I didn't have pink eye, I had a case of stupid. The ER doctor didn't have the proper equipment to see it, nor did the lady in the bathroom at the Pancake House that looked in my eye to see if anything was in there.
He told me my eye should begin feeling better quickly (no sh*t), but he also gave me some drops for the irritation still going on in my eye. To try and make me feel better he told me there was a woman in the UK that thought the contacts dissolved in your eyes, so she ended up with 27 of them in one eye. Knowing someone is dumber than you is not comforting, I also knew that I would be telling my family and friends. Sure, I could have kept this to myself but, I didn't, and now I'm sharing it with the world. OK, not the world, just about 50 people that might read this blog.
How did this happen you ask? It's a mystery, but I have some guesses. I am easily distracted. It's possible that I took the right one out and decided at that very moment that I needed to know the difference between a donkey and a mule. I would not have been able to wait 10 seconds to look this up but would have to have the info immediately. Also, had I waited 10 seconds to look it up I would have forgotten how much I wanted to know the difference between a donkey and a mule. Thank you, Google.
It's possible I took the right one out and decided I was thirsty and must get a drink that very minute. I'm not really patient.It's also plausible that at one point I had 2 contacts in my left eye and removed only one.
My family will tell you that it's difficult for them when dealing with my foolishness, but I assure you it's way harder for me.
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