Gigi

My good fortune began in January of 1961. Now, those that know how young I am realize that it's not possible for anything to happen to me in 1961 (well, other than conception) nevertheless, the story of who I am today began then. In January of 1961 my future in-laws Jim and Ruby adopted Paul in a private adoption and forever changed the trajectory of his life and indirectly mine as well.

Ruby had numerous titles in her life, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, home-maker, bookkeeper, but on February 11, 1991 she became a grandmother (Gigi), a role she was destined to play and one that was perfectly suited for her. She served as Gigi to so many people, not just her four grandchildren. She was the grandmother that everyone deserves but few actually receive.

Gigi was the consummate homemaker, a Martha Stewart without the orange jumpsuit or the pretense. I feel like in the presence of Martha Stewart I would be uncomfortable and inadequate. In the presence of Gigi I WAS inadequate but she never made me feel that way.  She didn't insult my abilities (or lack thereof) and she didn't try to change me or pressure me to be a better housekeeper, wife, mom, cook, or person. Maybe she realized the futility of such an endeavor or far more likely she accepted me as I am. I learned a great deal from her and I believe that I am a better person because of her. Once, many years ago I was driving and as usual got impatient and whined about the man in front of me not going as fast as he should, she calmly said, "He's probably someone's sweet grandfather." That stuck with me. I'm still impatient, but I try harder to be patient and more like her. WWGD?

I was honored to spend time with Jim and Ruby while she was ill, the three of us developed a daily routine together. My favorite time of the day was bedtime. I would take her pills to her, tuck her in, kiss her, and tell her I loved her. How extraordinarily blessed I was to share this time with her and I thank God for allowing me that opportunity, but I wanted so much more and I had so much more to learn from her. There wasn't enough time.

I can't tell you how often I complained about how this wasn't fair and that this wasn't supposed to happen to her. She came from near indestructible stock - her father lived to almost 101 and her mom was 94 when she passed away so obviously we were expecting a great deal more time with Ruby. You always think that you have more time. Never once did she complain. Never once did she ask "why me?" and she never gave up hope. It's possible that when she was alone she questioned God but never in front of me. Even as her health continued to deteriorate she stayed strong in her faith. I didn't. I'm still asking "why her?" and I'm still angry, and I still feel cheated by God. I obviously had more to learn from her, and now that chance is gone and it makes me angrier. I needed more time.

My grief is personal and painful.  It wakes me up at night, takes my breath away, and physically hurts. Waves of tears hit without warning and the emptiness is almost too much to bear. I alternate between total disbelief that she's gone and the cold reality that it's true. I know from enduring this pain when I lost my dad that it does get easier but I also know that you're never complete again. She was our matriarch; the one that orchestrated all of our family's celebrations and now that she's gone it will take several of us working together to attempt to fill the void she left. We thought we had more time to learn.

I was in the room when she passed away. Throughout that night and into the early morning she didn't display fear or uncertainty. She faced her death with the grace that characterized her life. I guess she had at least one more lesson to teach me.

1. Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
   Passing from you and from me;
   Shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
   Coming for you and for me.
2. 
   

From the Hymn Softly and Tenderly

Link to obituary and slide show:

http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Ruby-Latham&lc=1759&pid=179555875&mid=6880775

Rights, beliefs, and a mattress

Let me get a few things out in the open, I think most people know that I'm a conservative, here are a few things I would like to say about that. As a conservative:

I believe that President Obama is a US citizen, I don't believe he's Muslim, I don't dislike him because he's black. I have the utmost respect for the office of the Presidency but I don't have a great deal of respect for him mainly because I don't like his policies. I have the right to not like him.

My prayers are with the Scalia family due to the death of Justice Scalia. I don't like the timing of his death but I suppose there's nothing I can do about it. I realize that as the POTUS, President Obama has the right to replace Justice Scalia. I don't like it but I'm powerless to do anything about it. I do pray for the health of the remainder of the SCOTUS. I don't believe the President put a hit out on Justice Scalia, that's ridiculous.

Donald Trump scares me more than clowns and that is a great deal of scared right there. Maybe because I think he's a clown but he really frightens me. I can't believe that we have reached the point where a reality star is the front runner for nomination. I'm not thrilled with any of the choices but at this point I would choose Senator Rubio. I hate politics. It sickens me to hear these politicians slinging mud at each other. Why can't they talk about their beliefs and their plans for the country? Shouldn't that be enough?

Secretary Clinton, I don't like her at all and it's not because she's a woman. She frightens me too and I have the right to dislike and distrust her.

Senator Sanders, nothing is free. Quit promising that everything will be free if you're President. It doesn't work that way, that's not how any of this works. Take a basic economics course. 

I don't believe in climate change, global warming whatever you want to call it. Gore is an opportunist. Bill Nye the science ???? guy loves jetting around the world talking about it. Carbon footprint? Leonardo DiCrapio jets his way across the globe to talk about the environment. I don't appreciate the "Do as I say not as I do" approach. 

I'm grateful that I live in Texas and not in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina...the election season would drive me to drink and get on my very last nerve (I'm close to the edge now.) There really isn't a medication strong enough to bring me back from the brink. If it did exist the price would be exorbitant. For medical reasons I can't drink but I would not heed my doctors warnings if I lived in those states. Anyway, I'm glad I live in Texas because as everyone knows and should agree on it's the best place in the world.

I don't like Kanye. That should be another thing we can all agree on. It's not often we can find common ground but this should be one of those times.

I have another item to talk about. Sunday I completed an LTC class. There is another class involved in getting my license and I plan on completing it. the responsibility of owning a gun is immense. You have to realize when carrying a gun that a person could die, even yourself. I WILL NOT carry a gun unless I become proficient and confident in my abilities. I may get a gun for target practice or maybe for concealed carry. I don't know yet but it is my right to decide. If I choose to carry I promise never to carry into anyone's home without their knowledge and consent. 

I ordered a king size mattress on Amazon. Yes, someone is going to deliver a KING size mattress to my doorstep. It's going to be tough getting it in the house and getting the old one out to the curb but we live in a country where you can buy a mattress online. God Bless America!