Thursday, August 18, 2016

Write Me Up!

I've often wondered what it would be like if I was born in a different time. It's impossible to know but here are a few possibilities.

The Bible
Moses, sorry to bother you but some of the girls and I have been talking and we're wondering about all this wandering (I wonder as I wander) and how much longer we are required to do this. We've been wandering so long I've named the rocks - there's Hudson, Dwayne, Crocodile, and my favorite, Fraggle. Don't get me wrong, we were totally impressed with the parting of the Red Sea, I bet people will be talking about that 50 years from now but is it possible you misunderstood this wandering thing? Any chance of renegotiating? I'm sorry we were so horrible but we thought you'd died when you left for so long on the mount, that golden calf was a really bad idea but those of us left didn't worship it. If we promise to be good could we stop wandering? Is there any way we can prove our worthiness?



Noah -  Are you sure about the termites and the beavers?




The Scarlet Letter

What's Hester doing up there? Methinks yond embroidery work is most wondrous.


Didst thee not heareth?

Nay, I didst not heareth Nellie.  I hath been darning socks all damn day.  Methinks Paul frolics without his shoes. Hast thou seen that gent frolicking? Doth thee thinketh the lady Hester wouldst darn these socks, the lady doeth such valorous work. Yond A looks wonderful. Prithee wherefore the mistress is on displayeth.

The lady committed adultery.

Damnation! Nay the horror!

Holdeth thy tongue Mistress Patricia!

Doth thee knoweth who is't the lady's been with?  Paul best not be doing yond kind of frolicking or that gent's going to receiveth a darning needle where the lamp shineth not.

The lady hast not named her lover.

Verily? Good for her, I wonder if it beest that new hottie of a minster?

Mistress Patricia, thee shall rotteth in Hell.

Thee knoweth thee were bethinking the same thing thee fusty biddy.

It's probably best I was born when I was...things might not have gone so well for me, especially if I had been in Salem in 1692, just a small change from the actual year (1962) I wast born!



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