What's Everybody Doing?

There's a kid at school whose parents I'd like to meet.
This youngster is causing all sorts of unrest around our house.
His name? Everybody. I've heard more about him than I care to know.
Maybe your kids know him?

Entertainment and Electronics (the most important topic for tween boys):

• Everybody has a television in his bedroom.
• Everybody has a DS, and he even sneaks it to school in his backpack.
• Everybody plays video games after school, all he wants.
• Everybody's read The Hunger Games. He has seen the movies, too.
• Everybody plays Call of Duty and other M-rated games.
• Everybody has his own cell phone. With a data plan.
• Everybody's seen Ted.

Other:

• Everybody gets flaming hot Cheetos, every day, in the cafeteria. If he doesn't have those, he brings in a big bag of Takis.
• Everybody throws away the school-lunch vegetables.
• Everybody rides in the front seat.
• Everybody drinks soft drinks for breakfast.
• Everybody says "those" words.
• Everybody cuts the corners when he's running laps.
• Everybody wears shorts to school when it's 40 degrees outside.

If you haven't guessed, I hear about these because Everybody's life is so much better and cooler than ours. I've resisted asking the clichéd Mom question -- "if Everybody jumped off a cliff..." because I don't really want to hear the answer. 

My kids are just 10. They're too young to fully understand the reasons why we don't do the same things Everybody does. So I get the enviable role of making many unpopular decisions around here, like not stocking blue Gatorade or soft drinks in the fridge. Like blocking content on the TV and computers, and limiting screen time. Enforcing chore time before the fun stuff. Insisting that there's no SpongeBob on the weekends (that's a personal thing -- I can't stand the sound of it!). These are the kinds of rules that unlimited-do-what-you-want Everybody doesn't have. Don't get me wrong -- we don't live some kind of sequestered, deprived existence. Just everything in moderation, and in its own time.

Why not just ease up and follow Everybody's lead? Part of it, I think, is that while some of these are (in my opinion anyway) basically unhealthy choices, others represent adult activities that distract from being a kid. If you've already seen the R-rated movies and played the M-rated games as a young child, what will you find amusing as you grow older and become an adult? If you're tied to a screen during all of your free time, how will you learn to play soccer? If you don't learn healthy eating habits as a youngster, won't it be twice as hard to learn them later? As someone who has been an adult for a loooong time, I feel qualified to say that there is plenty of time for the grown-up stuff...and not nearly long enough to just be a kid.

As I recall, when I was a kid Everybody was in school with me too. But it seems like that child was a lot more harmless, back then. Everybody wore Calvin Klein jeans and she had a phone in her room. I think that was it.

I think I prefer another kid I've heard about, Nobody. Nobody wears a coat on cold days. Nobody loves vegetables. Nobody sings in music class. Nobody does the extra credit assignment. Yes, that's my kind of young person!

The boys go back to school this week after a long winter break away from Everybody. Gee, I can't wait to find out what he got for Christmas. And what he saw...and played.