My Mind - a very dark and terribly frightening place!

Come with me on a journey - a  journey into my mind. It is scary because there are a lot of voices in there and some of them are really mean. If you can stomach it - come along with me.

We have a new laminate floor that looks just like real wood. I love it but unfortunately it shows every step ever taken on it. I see a print that looks like about a size 8 1/2 with a heel I know Katy has been here. I can detect each pet's different paw print. You get what I'm saying. So here we go. I won't try to name each of the voices in my head - there are just way too many - just realize that I'm talking to myself through all of this.

This floor is disgusting. I should sweep and mop it. But, I should dust first because if I sweep and mop, and then dust it will just get the floor icky again. OK, I will dust, sweep, then mop.

You can't dust yet because of all the crap that's on the furniture. You need to do something with that and then you can dust, sweep, and mop.

OK. I will do something will all of the stuff on the furniture.

Wow, I haven't gone through these piles of mail in a while. Some of this stuff needs to be recycled, some of it needs to be shredded, and there are probably some bills in here that need to be paid too.

Well, didn't you sign up on some website where you don't get so much junk mail?

Yeah, I did. Maybe I should do it again. I will just get on the computer real quick and take care of that.

Don't stay on there too long. Just get on the one website and then right back off again.

OK. While I'm here I might as well check Facebook and Pinterest.

No! Don't do it.

It won't take long - shut up.

You know you are just going to play Candy Crush, hit Like on a bunch of statuses, and then pin a bunch of nonsense that you will never look at again. God knows you aren't going to make any of the recipes you pin and won't ever do the exercises you pin either. Yeah, I really see you doing 50 burpees while you watch TV!

Shut up bitch. I hate you.

Two hours later...

I told you so.

And I told you to shut up. OK, so I'm just going to sort through this mail. Dammit. I forgot to get on that mail site to stop junk mail while I was on the computer.

Don't even think about it.

OK. Sort the mail, shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed, dust, sweep, mop. I've got this. I just need to go to the computer room to use the shredder. Crap, I can't even get to the shredder there is so much junk in here! OK, clear path to shredder, shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed, dust, sweep, mop. No problem except I can't even sit in the chair in here. What's in this bag? Oh, it's clothes to give to the Salvation Army. They won't pick up just one bag so I need to clean the closets out so I will have more for them to pick up.

Right now? You want to clean the closets out right now?

Yeah. Then I will be able to sit in this chair and use the shredder.

Have you thought about moving the bag to another spot?

I hate you. OK, I will move the bag, sit down and shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed,  then dust, sweep, mop. No problem except there is a huge pile of stuff on the shredder! It looks like more stuff to shred. This small shredder isn't going to cut it. Maybe I should go to Wal-Mart and buy another one that is better suited to shred all of this.

NO!

I so very much hate you. But you know that I won't be able to shred all of this because the shredder will overheat. What do you have to say about that?

How about shred some stuff, let the shredder cool down and while it is cooling sort through more junk to recycle, and pay any bills that you find, then you can go back to the shredding and repeat this process as many times as possible.

You've been talking to my husband haven't you? OK, I suppose that is a good idea. I will do that then shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed, dust, sweep, mop.

Good, stay focused. You can do this!

No she can't.

Shut up! I've got her moving in the right direction, don't discourage her now! If she doesn't do something about all this stuff we'll end up on an episode of hoarders.

Why don't you tell her just to sweep the damn floor instead of having her running around doing all of this other stuff?

It all needs to get done.

You're going to wear her out and then she won't do anything at all for 3 weeks. You know how she shuts down. Her meds aren't strong enough for this. She will get overwhelmed and not do anything then she will feel like a failure. This isn't going to end well. Just tell her to sweep and maybe mop. Then let her rest for a while. Baby steps.

She seems to be doing well right now. I'm keeping her focused. Baby steps won't cut through this mess. Be quiet, let me work.

OK, the shredder is kind of smoking and smells funny I think I better let it rest. I'm supposed to use those shredder conditioning sheets after shredding for 30 minutes but I'm out. Maybe I should go to Wal-Mart and get some.

NO!

You don't have to yell. I just don't want to break the shredder although I might already have. I'm tired. I want to take a nap.

NO! You can do this.

Can I just sit down for a few minutes and rest. I promise not to get on the computer, read, watch TV, or nap.

You always promise and then you end up doing that stuff anyway. I won't allow it. Keep going. Where were you?

Standing at the smoking shredder wanting to take a nap and I'm hungry too.

Step away from the shredder and let's get you a small snack and then you can continue your work.

There's nothing to eat. Maybe I should go to Wal-Mart and get some groceries.

What kind of sadistic weirdo are you anyway? You hate Wal-Mart. Why do you keep insisting on going to Wal-Mart?

I don't know. I got confused and I'm still hungry.

Keep working.

I hate you.

I know you do but keep working.

Oh look, here's a Christmas card from the Smith's. I wonder if she has a Facebook account I would love to stay in touch with her. I wonder how old her kids are now. Maybe I will just check Facebook to...

NO! NO FACEBOOK! NO PINTEREST! WORK DAMMIT.

I HATE YOU! Oh crap, I just remembered that Amelia needs her athletic training shirt on Thursday. I better look through the laundry and find it. I'm not sure if she needs the green one or the other one. Guess I better do them both. Crap! There is already laundry in the washer and the dryer. (Turns on washer to wash clothes that are already in there - throws needed shirts in there too - turns dryer on to get the wrinkles out of the clothes that are in there. Completely forgets about it for a day and then has to repeat the process all over again.) I wonder if I ever filled out the warranty card for the new washing machine? Maybe I should get online to do that now.

You know my answer. No.

OK. The shredder has quit smoking I will shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed, dust, sweep, mop. But what about all this clutter in here, and in all the bedrooms, and the kitchen? The whole house is such a mess I really don't know where to start. I can't do this.

Told you she was going to get overwhelmed. She's starting shut down mode. This looks like a bad one.

OK, maybe I will get her just to sweep.

I'm going to clean out the garage!

Whoa! Did not see that one coming.

Why are you going to clean out the garage? Why don't you just sweep?

Because, I have to do something with all this junk. I'm going to sort through it all and decide what needs to go to the Salvation Army, then I will need to move some of the stuff to the garage to keep until I can really go through it, for that I will need room in the garage, thus before I can sweep, mop, and dust I have to shred the financial stuff, recycle junk, pay bills if needed, clean out the closets, clean the garage to have room to store more stuff, then sweep, mop, and dust.

I don't think you are being very logical.

It makes sense to me.

Three hours later...

I'm tired and hungry and need a shower. I've got a huge mess in the garage so we won't be able to park in there for a while. I'm positive the shredder is broken. I'm too tired to sweep, dust, or mop. Once again, I've failed. I'm never going to be able to do this. Junk will just keep piling up. Dust will take over and we will all get sick. The floor will just get ickier. I'm just a huge failure. To add to that I'm not eating well or exercising. I'm a horrible person.

You should have just told her to sweep!

I know, why do I always think it will turn out differently?

Wishful thinking.