It's October...

“I always notice boobs.”  This is what I heard my mom say when I entered the room where she and Sarah were talking and looking at pictures on the computer.  

Weird.

Mom apparently looks at everyone’s boobs.  I confess...I am like my mother.

I don’t try to look at boobs.  They’re just always there.  Maybe it’s because I’m short.  Pretty much boob level for average height women.

Really, how do you not notice boobs?  Working as a grocery cashier, they’re everywhere.  Scanning groceries for a female customer, one glance up…BOOM..there they are!  They hang over the counter.  Women are pulling their wallets, phones and keys from their bras.  With the clothes so many wear now the ta-tas are on display for all to see.  We make fun of plumbers who let their ‘cleavage’ show, but women can let it all hang out all the time.  Ladies, let’s be honest…there are some puppies out there that really need to be, at least partially, covered!  Oh, my goodness, the cups that overflow!

Speaking of…bras.  Yuck!  The first thing I do when I’m home for the evening is yank off the bra, letting the girls go free.  What a wonderful time of day!  There are almost as many bra types as there are names for our boobies.  Demi bras, push-ups, t-shirt bras, sports bras, barely there bras, and the “this is the shape I wish my boobs were and you will never be able to touch them” bras. 

When I was a teenager I worked around warehousemen who were 17-25 years old.  I thought I’d heard every word for boobs there was.  Then I got married and my husband taught me many, many more.  Well…I had no idea until I did a quick search for this article how many synonyms there are for boobs.  Some are not print worthy.

Assets, Balloons,  Bahamma Mammas,  Bazookas, Bazooms, Beamers, Blinkers, Boulders, Bust

Ahh…glorious, magical boobs.  They can make guys (and many chicks) do whatever the bearer of them wishes.  Bosoms bring great power to those who possess them.  How many of you can honestly say that you have never used them to get something you want?

Cans, Cannons, Cones, Doorknobs, Floppers, Gazonkas, Gadoinkas, Hooters, Honkers, Jugs, Knockers

Women are the classier of the species.  I’m sure we can all agree on that.  We tend to refer to our boobs as something nice like “the girls.”  We may have chi-chis, twins or ta-tas.  If we’re lucky, we have bodacious ta-tas. 

Men like boobs.  Two of their other favorite things are food and cars.  Therefore we have boobs that are called melons, lady apples, cupcakes, marshmallows, mounds, and whoppers. There are also Cadillac bumpers, headlights, high beams, beamers, blinkers, and winnebagoes.

My chi-chis have gone through many stages in my life.  First, I had the perky ‘look at me. I defy gravity’ bust line.  Then they were great, as long as I held my hands high above my head.  Alas, now I need the heavy lifter bras to put them back where they were originally.  I guess later I’ll be able to just roll them up and place them in a bra that is the shape I desire.

Mountains, Perkies, Pillows, Pair, Rack, Rolling Hills, Torpedoes, Towel Rack

Boobs are as diverse as the women who have them.  There are small ones that forced us to form “itty bitty tittie committees.”  Then there are the jumbo sized breasts.  They would charge triple for these at KFC!  I’d much rather be a member of the IBTC than to have people exclaim, “My. What big knockers you have!”  Maybe that’s just how I want to feel about my little darlins’.

My point, point point is…it’s October.  We all know that breast cancer awareness is crucial.  So, perk up your pumpkins!  Get your mammogram and keep those girls healthy!