Hey, I can see you!

What is it about driving a car that makes people do things they would never do in person? I mean, you wouldn’t really pick your nose right in front of me would you? That’s disgusting but how often have you seen people do that? I always wonder what they’re going to do with the booger once they’ve snagged it. Hello, I can see you!

How about throwing trash out the window or cutting someone off in traffic, honking incessantly, flipping the bird, name calling, riding the bumper of the person in front of you?

Let’s put this in a different context. You are grocery shopping. Suddenly you see someone heading for the same register as you do you run to the register and cut right in front of the person so you can be first? If you don’t make it do you then push

your cart right up to where you are almost touching them? When the person in front of them moves do you scream, “MOVE!” immediately? If there are several people in front (you must be at Wal-Mart) do you just continually start yelling at people to move when you can obviously see that they have nowhere to go? And if you are at Wal-Mart the people in front of you are probably training the new Wal-Mart associate. If you answered yes to any of these questions you really are a piece of work.

How about having dinner at a friend’s house? If you answered yes to any of the above questions you probably don’t have any friends but let’s continue. During dinner do you pick your nose? When dinner is over (which should be soon if you’re digging for gold) do you flip the person off and say hey Mother…see ya later? When you are finished eating do you just drop your plate on the floor?

Again, I hope the answer is no to these scenarios as well. I think the rule of thumb should be if it is an action you would be embarrassed to do in person – don’t do it in your car. Just a little side note here, if you have been traveling down the highway for some time with your significant other don’t reach over and pull one of their ear hairs out of their ear even if it’s been bothering you for 30 miles. It startles them.

AND

DO.NOT.HONK.AT.ME! There are only a few times when this is appropriate.

1. If I am about to run into you then please lay down on that sucker.
2. If I have entered what appears to be a fugue-like state a slight tap on the horn should pull me out of it.

If you make the bad decision to honk at me when the light immediately turns green know that this awakens a primal part of my brain. When you pass me I will catch up to you at the light (because that’s just the way it goes) don’t look at me because I promise you will spontaneously combust. Then people will honk at you, flip you off, call you names, and throw trash on you.